Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
