Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
kristin has been a bad kristin
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
