I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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