I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
