He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
