she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
