The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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