6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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