i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
