Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
