I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
