I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
