My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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