Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
