I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
