I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
