Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
