If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
