Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
