i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
