What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
