im drinking this country out of the recession.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
