dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
