its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
