There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
