Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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