Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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