singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
