You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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