So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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