that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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