yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
