Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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