tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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