i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
