your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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