I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
