She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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