I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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