I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
