You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
