my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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