I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
