I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
