): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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