WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
