pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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