You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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