So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
