do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
