i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
