Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
