i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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