Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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