who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
