it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
